A reflection on a retreat

We had a little retreat yesterday at a green place outside of the office. It was a most exhausting and in retrospect, a deeply dissatisfying and discouraging exercise. Still, some good came out of it, and that dialogue allowed me to see more clearly deeper issues that would still return to haunt the team.

I avoided direct confrontation as far as possible, and avoided addressing specific issues. I would say, I even denied certain issues and skirted around them. While it stemmed from an intention to avoid deviating attention and emotional energy away from more important issues, it left me feeling frustrated. It was not the right way.

As the session progressed, tiredness set in. Faced with a seemingly impossible and very long list of tasks, we tried to move quickly through many issues. Unhappiness started to build up within me, as the dialogue became dominated by one or two voices. I was unable to retaliate or voice out much; I was that drained. An aggressive, adversarial and utterly debilitating atmosphere set in as the session drew to an end.

How did it end up at this state? The retreat left me more drained and despondent. Unresolved issues aside, the way that the discourse became dominated by seemingly arrogant and supercilious talk was a particularly obvious energy-draining point. Issues are real, and should be dealt with directly. But the tone was very destructive. It created an an adversarial, and highly negative atmosphere that drained away emotional energy and left spirits, demoralised. Sometimes, the way things are said and expressed does leave a bigger impact than the things being said.

At the end of the day, I learnt so much about team dynamics. And how destructive personalities can have debilitating effects on team members. There's a great deal of work that needs to be done from now on.